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HOW TO SUPPORT SOMEONE SUFFERING FROM PND

• A Guide to Helping Yourself
• Getting Help from Others
• Dietary Advice & Information

If you are close to a woman suffering from postnatal depression or anxiety there is a lot you can do to help and also some things to avoid doing. This list is intended to give you some guidelines if you are feeling unsure of how to support her.

Things That Are Helpful:

1. Encourage her to talk to you about how she feels and what she has been through. Listening in a caring way is the most valuable thing you can do.
2. Try to accept how she feels even if you don't understand or know the causes and even if her behaviour towards you is difficult.
3. Reassure her that you still love her, that you want to be there for her, that she is not alone (hugs can help). Keep repeating how much you care.
4. Encourage her to talk to her health visitor and doctor and to seek other professional help if she wants it - e.g. you could help her to find a support group or counsellor and accompany her there although you are not attending yourself.
5. Ask what you can do and what she needs at the moment - which may change from day to day. By doing this, you are showing that you care and want to do what is most helpful to her. Spend time with her.
6. Take some pressure off by offering to care for the baby/children or doing domestic work that she may be finding hard to cope with. As she recovers, let her regain control of things.
7. Someone with postnatal depression or anxiety often see themselves in a negative way. You can help by stating the value to you and the family and by pointing out the things she has done or handled well.
8. If she feels guilty or frustrated with herself, you can remind her that she is not well at the moment, which is not her fault, and that she will come through it - she just needs to be gentle with herself.
9. Try to remain patient and understanding and to have faith in her recovery, whilst appreciating that it will take time.

Things That Are Unhelpful

1. Telling her to pull herself together or saying that she has nothing to be depressed about!
2. Passing judgement, giving advice or talking about your own experiences too much - all of these will block her from talking about herself.
3. Showing frustration or anger towards her. She cannot help how she is feeling and this will only make her feel worse.
4. Constantly looking for reasons or suggesting solutions to her condition, rather than accepting her as she is.
5. Ignoring the problem and pretending it isn't happening. You need to take it seriously and respond.
6. Taking over completely, as this will make her feel more useless.
7. Feeling bad if you don't manage the above. It is not easy and you are only human. Just apologise if you react badly and start again.

It can be hard to be close to someone with PND, so do not feel ashamed if you struggle in your support role. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself becoming frustrated, upset, stressed or even depressed yourself. If this happens it is important that you seek support - professional or otherwise. Remember to take care of yourself - you matter too and will not be able to help if you become ill or overwhelmed yourself.

It will take time for the sufferer to recover and re-establish herself. If you are her partner, you may need help to rebuild your relationship, which has probably suffered. This means taking time to come to terms with what you have both been through, to listen to each other's feelings and begin to share positive experiences again as a couple. You may need to go to counselling together in order to achieve this.

Giving support is a labour of love, but will bring its own rewards if you can stay with it. However difficult things have been you care and committment will have been an invaluable part of the sufferer's healing process.