Friends & Relatives
When going through a difficult time after childbirth, it can be invaluable to have the support of a partner, friends or relatives. However, it can also be a mixed blessing or even a negative experience. The people closest to us are not always the ones best able to understand and to remain patient and impartial. Because they are so close to you, these people may be affected by your difficulties and have their own fears, judgements and simply accept how you feel and support you in a loving way.
It is common for women to find their partner cannot really understand their experiences, or be supportive in the way they need. This may be because they are finding your behaviour and feelings difficult to cope with themselves. Men are not traditionally brought up to be listeners and carers in the way that women are. So we can end up feeling let down and unloved by our partners at this time, even though the reasons for it may not be "personal". However, this does not mean that you should not try. There are many men as well as many friends and relatives who are able to be helpful. If people want to be there for you, it is important to give them the chance rather than putting on a brave face and pretending you are fine.
You will find out from people's responses whom it feels safe to be open with. You can then help them support you by saying what you need at the moment, which they may not know. You may find that you can get different kinds of support from different people, depending on what they are able to give (e.g. listening froma friend, hugs from a partner, childcare from a relative, deeper understanding from a counsellor). This is a vulnerable time for you, so it is important that you protect yourself from people who are judgemental or unhelpful.You do not have to see them to please them - even if they are in your family. What matters at this time is that you get the help and the conditions you need in order to recover.
Counselling & Therapy
The first purpose of any counselling or therapy is to provide you with a safe and confidential space where you can talk to someone qualified to listen to you in a helpful way. The aim of this is to enable you to share your feelings and experiences and so to release some pressure and to begin to understand what is happening to you. In some therapies various forms of assistance are also offered.
Counselling tends to focus more on looking at present day feelings and difficulties, whereas psychotherapy may go deeper into understanding how your past experiences are affecting you now. Cognitive therapy concentrates more onchanging your behaviour and trying to replace negative with positive attitude. In all of these you should be with someone you can trust who is both professional and caring. This will hopefully help you to be yourself and express how you are really feeling, as well as talking through all the issues on your mind. You may also choose to use counselling or therapy mainly for support to help you through the vulnerable time of your depression and to have someone with you as you emerge from it.
There is a range of other "therapies" on offer which may support your recovery, such as dietary advice, aromatherapy acupuncture or massage to help you relax, but remember that if you are distressed it is important to talk about it to someone who understands.
Your doctor may be able to refer you to a counsellor ot therapist, or you may have support at your local PND group, or privately through a clinic or Natural Health Centre.
Talking to other women who are going through similar experiences can be very helpful and supportive and can help you realise that you are not alone. The PND support group provides a place where you can be open and honest about your feelings without having to worry about being judged or blamed. Everyone there knows what it is like to struggle to cope as a mother.
