What can you do if you think you have Antenatal or Postnatal Depression?
The most important thing is to talk to someone! You can speak to your friends or your family, you can go and see your GP, your health visitor or your midwife. Write down a list of all your symptoms, that way you won't forget any. If you can, take your partner or a friend with you, this will give you some moral support. Antenatal and Postnatal Depression are illnesses that can be treated successfully. So it really is worth speaking to your GP who can help you onto the road to recovery.
How can I help myself?
Read and talk about Antenatal & Postnatal Depression as much as you can. This can be difficult but try to rest, take naps while the baby sleeps, don't feel guilty about relaxing! Try to eat regularly, because you're busy and you may forget. Try to get out of the house most days to meet others.
If you want to talk to some one about Antenatal and Postnatal Depression for information and/or support please call:
- Your health visitor
- Your midwife
- Your GP
- HAPIS
PND doesn't happen to any one personality type or in any one situation. It can start during or after pregnancy. It doesn't last a set time and isn't the same in any two women.
Postnatal depression can have profound effects on the relationship between the mother and her partner. Living with a depressed person calls for tolerance and the demonstration of continued caring, as well as or practical help. However, a mother with depression may find it as difficult to ask for or to accept the extra help and affection she needs as it is for her partner to give it.
Many men are very puzzled and often hurt by what appears either to be a change in their partner’s personality, or an indication of a change in her feelings towards them. Without help, the relationship may deteriorate to the point of separation. With support and information, however, the couple may find that the shared experience brings them closer than ever before.
Quote from a father:
"It is terrible, you can't do anything, no matter what you do, you are wrong, and it is hard to explain, but you are never right. She is really quick tempered, things that normally would make her laugh, do not now. She has changed a lot. You sometimes say to yourself...is she tired of me, is she sick of me, well you do."
Talking to your partner can make him realise what changes your body is going through and what your needs are. Listening to your partner is important also, he may feel left out and 'bad feelings' can build up between you if he is not actively involved. The organisation Relate can be contacted to offer advice or councelling to married and unmarried couples.
Recent research suggests that depressed mothers may have difficulty in control, and their children may develop behavioral problems, for instance poor attention span or over excitability. Children may also develop relationship problems, both within the family and with their peers.
Talk to a counsellor or a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) which can be arranged through your GP. Talking about your feelings does make a difference and confidence in yourself will grow. Remember that antenatal and postnatal depression is a natural disorder which many women go through. The Samaritans are also available 24hrs a day to listen and offer support.
Your GP may suggest using anti-depressants but remember it is your choice to take them. You should not be forced into using them. They are not habit-forming and your GP will ensure to prescribe some that are safe to use during pregnancy. They are of benefit to most women but can take a few weeks to take effect.
Where a Self-Help Group can Help
A. Understanding. Supportive.
B. Friendship. To know there are others like you who want to help you and themselves.
C. To get back into doing and caring about how you feel.
D. To know you can talk to someone who understands because they have suffered too.
Quotes from mothers about Self-Help:
"I have had excellent understanding and very good medical treatment from our Doctor. We personally feel that depression is an illness and ought to be treated, that it is not something that one can fight alone, anymore than pnuemonia or diabetes can. I also feel I have derived great benefit, understanding and friendship from our Self-Help Group."
"I have had a lot of help and support from the hospital staff but I have found that when one leaves hospital there is often no support, or very little anyway, and I found this Group a great help here. Sometimes when the going gets too hard it is good to be able to speak to someone who knows exactly how we feel. It helps us to get things into the right perspective and so saves us some undue stress and worry."
Will I get better?
Remember, you will get better! Good support from family and friends will help speed up the recovery process.
Friends and family can help by listening to you. Don't let anyone tell you to "pull yourself together" - this won't help but the right treatment and patience will. It may take a while to get over postnatal illness but recovery will come in time. It is normal to have good and bad days, and to have times when you may appear to go backwards, and feel more vulnerable again. Overall you will find that your good days increase and that you gradually move towards feeling better. Asking for help is the biggest step to take and the hardest but worth it.
"I hope that my children looking back on today,
remember a mother who had time to play,
children grow up when you're not looking,
there will be years ahead for cleaning and cooking,
so quiet now cobwebs,
dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby,
and babies don't keep."
Remember, help is out there you just need to ask.
